On the side of angels
by SilentSupernatural
Summary: Dean is sick with a bad cold. Sam leaves him in the hotel room to rest while he goes to the store. Dean is in need of some comfort but won't admit it. While Sam is away a friend from Dean's past comes to return the favor and show some kindness of her own
1. Chapter 1

_**On the side of angels**_

_I've never been so certain. I've never been so sure. We are on the side of angels if we believe this love is pure. It's so hard to trust it. We've been wrong before. There comes a time in every life we find the heart we are waiting for. After all the might have been, the close and instant calls, after all the try again don't be afraid to fall. We are on the side of angels after all._

Dean was lying sprawled out on the bed in the hotel room. He had been hit with a nasty cold and felt like crap. Sam came over to the bed his brother was laying on, "Hey. I'm going to do a supply run; did you need anything?"

The older hunter coughed into his pillow and groaned, "I need you to stop being such a mother hen before I kick your ass."

Sam shook his head, "Alright. I shouldn't be gone long. Just try and get some sleep."

Dean coughed, "Bitch."

Sam smiled slightly on his way out of the door, "Jerk."

An hour after Sam had left Dean heard the quiet fluttering of wings. He coughed out, "Not now Cas."

The older hunter was surprise when a gentle cool hand pressed against the side of his fevered cheek. Then a soft voice answered, "Just rest Dean."

Dean opened his eyes slowly he knew that voice but he didn't think he'd ever hear it again, "Anna? How did you? When did you? How long have you been back?"

The young woman nodded her head slowly and whispered, "There is time for all that later. You need to rest."

Dean's fevered cheeks blushed when he asked in a raspy voice, "I can't believe I'm about to ask you this but can you stay with me until Sam gets back? You don't have to if you don't want to…"

Anna cut Dean's ranting short by softly kissing his chapped lips, "I will be right here. Just sleep Dean."

Dean coughed and winced when the movement hurt his chest. He was determined to stay awake. He was afraid if he fell asleep he would wake up and this would all be a dream. The former angel smoothed the hair away from his eyes, "This isn't a dream. You need to rest."

Dean just shook his head, "What I need is for you to tell me why you came back?"

Anna sighed and kissed Dean's fevered cheek and answered simply, "you needed me."

Dean sneezed and blew his nose before he said, "There has to be more to it than that. I mean you had your grace back…."

Anna sat on the end of Dean's bed and took his hand, "Before I got my grace back I told you I would trade it all to remain human."

Dean coughed and cleared his throat before he asked, "How could you have been so sure? What was so good about being human?"

Anna stroked Dean's hand which she held in both of her own, "Love was worth it. Dean love is always worth the fall. It's worth even a fall from grace."

Dean snorted, "What planet are you from? I thought I felt love a bunch of times but I was wrong. There was always something missing."

Anna nodded, "Love is about having faith Dean. Sometimes you just have to look hard enough in the right places and you'll find it."

_Every time you touch me don't you feel it to? The gentle hand that's guiding us you to me, me to you; heaven only knows why this took so long. Only heaven knows if love is right or wrong. We are on the side of angels after all._

An hour later Dean fell asleep still holding onto the former angel's hand; Sam came into the room and smiled at the two of them, "How is he doing Anna…. Wait a minute you got your grace back. How…."

Anna cut Sam short, "I couldn't stay away from Dean. I tore out my grace to be with him. I risked everything because I love him. I know that doesn't make sense but it feels right. I wasn't afraid to fall this time because I knew where I was landing."

Sam smiled at the former angel, "You know even though Dean is sick and sore and feels downright crappy this is the happiest I've seen him in a long time. I guess our mom was right…"

Anna looked up from where she was watching Dean sleep, "Right about what?"

Sam let out a breath of air he had been holding while he was pouring Dean's cough syrup into a medicine cup, "Angels are watching over us. Thanks for staying with Dean until I got back."

Anna smiled and helped wake Dean up so he could take the cough syrup plus the decongestant, "No problem Sam. I meant it when I said I loved Dean. Love is the side of angels that many people don't see. Dean and I are on that side. As long as we love each other everything is going to be fine."


	2. Chapter 2

_**It takes a man**_

_She locked her fingers. She bowed her head. She said I'm late and I'm really scared. Now you can go on. I hope you stay. I'm going to keep it either way._

_In my daddy's El Camino in her drive way in the rain._

_Staring through that windshield I could see my future change. _

_My heart hit like a hammer and my thoughts were running wild. Any fool can make a baby. It takes a man to raise a child_

Anna had been back for a week when she noticed some slight changes in her body. One night while Sam and Dean were asleep she suddenly felt sick. Quickly she made it to the bathroom and prayed she didn't wake either of the brothers up. The former angel hadn't been alone long when she felt rough but gentle hands on her back holding her hair, "Easy. Just take it easy. It'll be over soon."

Anna spit the last of her dinner into the toilet and then sputtered, "God that was awful."

Dean got a damp wash cloth and tried to wipe her face, "I know it sucks ass. This is just one of the many draw backs to being human. You just caught the same bug that I had last week."

Anna groaned, "Just go back to bed."

Dean knelt on the floor beside the young woman, "Not gunna happen. You gunna be sick again?"

Anna swallowed convulsively a few times before she answered, "I'm fine."

Dean helped the former angel stand and wrapped his arm around her, "Let me take your take your temp and then you can go back to sleep."

Anna weakly nodded her head her eyes filling with tears. Dean got the thermometer and stuck it under her tongue. When it beeped he spoke gently, "Well you have a slight fever but nothing we can't handle. Just take these Tylenol and an anti acid and you should be alright."

Anna took the pills and Dean helped her climb back under the covers. Once she was settled he climbed in on the other side of the bed pulling her into his arms. The young woman sighed, "I love you Dean."

The younger hunter nodded, "You too. Just get some sleep."

Three weeks later Anna still wasn't feeling any better. Since they hadn't been able to find another hunt they took some time off to take her to a doctor. Dean went in with Anna and held her hand the whole time. When the doctors had the results the young woman smiled at Anna, "Congrats. It looks like in eight months you two will have a very healthy set of twins."

Dean and Anna thanked the doctor and went into the waiting room to let Sam know. Later that night Dean couldn't sleep. He went out and sat in the impala with the music playing. He hadn't been alone long when Anna sat down in the seat beside him. It was pouring rain and cold outside. The former angel spoke softly, "I brought you a blanket."

Dean groaned, "Leave me alone."

Anna took a deep breath blinking to hide her tears. Dean sighed, "Hey what's wrong?"

Anna sniffed, "I'm scared."

Dean scrubbed a hand over his face, "Anna everything is going to be ok. There are options."

Anna snapped, "No I'm keeping the babies! I don't care what you do but I am raising our children!"

_I laid my head down on the wheel. She said I know. It doesn't seem real. She closed her eyes. The tears flowed through. She said don't hate me for loving you. I could not reassure her. I couldn't say what I had planned. I couldn't put three words together. I just took her hand._

_In my daddy's El Camino in her drive way in the rain staring through that wind shield I could see my future change. My heart hit like a hammer. My thoughts were running wild. Any fool can make a baby. It takes a man to raise the child._

Dean bandaged his head on the steering wheel. A million thoughts were running through his head. What was he going to tell Sam? What was he going to tell Bobby? What did this mean for the family business? Could he be a good father? What would Ellen, Ash, and Jo think about all this? How was he supposed to tell everyone he got an angel pregnant?

Anna set her hand on the younger hunter's shoulder, "I know Dean. I know this doesn't seem real right now."

Dean just stared out the windshield and didn't speak. He turned his head though when Anna sniffled, "Please don't hate me. I love you. I know I shouldn't have done what I did but…"

Dean took Anna's hand in his. He didn't know what they were going to do. He didn't know what the others were going to think. Hell he didn't even know what he was thinking. He wrapped his arms tightly around the former angel and covered them both up with the thick blanket, "I love you Anna. I swear I will help you raise our children."


	3. Chapter 3

_**Always be my baby**_

_There I was four years old waiting in my room for him to come home. I just knew he'd be so mad. Though I begged my mother not to she told my dad. There was no denying I'd let him down. Instead of being angry he put his arms around me. Then he said in the sunlight or the rain brightest nights or darkest days I'll always feel the same way. Whatever road you maybe on know you are never too far gone. My love is there where ever you may be. Just remember you'll always be my baby._

After the storm let up he managed to convince Anna to go back inside and rest. He rested his head on the steering wheel and closed his eyes. He had lied to Jo a long time ago the first memory that popped into his head when he thought about his dad wasn't the shooting range. **Flashback: Dean was four years old. He was waiting for his mom to finish putting his six month old brother down for a nap. He walked into the nursery for the sixth time, "Mommy can we play go fish please?"**

**Mary shook her head, "I'm sorry baby. Why don't you go pick out a picture to color for your daddy to hang in his office. I'll play with you once I finish getting your brother to sleep. I promise."**

**Dean huffed and went into the playroom. He colored four pictures for his dad and then went to ask his mom if she could play with him. Mary was sitting in the rocking chair holding Sam and singing Hey Jude in a soft voice. Dean entered the room and sat down on the floor, "Mommy can we play now?"**

**Mary yawned, "Sweetie I'm sorry. Mommy is just too tired. Maybe Daddy can throw the foot ball around when he gets home after dinner."**

**Dean couldn't help it, angry tears rolled down his cheeks, "You promised! You never have time to play with me anymore! Everything is always about Sam! You don't love me anymore! I hate Sammy! I hate you! I hate Daddy!"**

**Mary started to say something but then she heard Sam crying. She soothed the frightened child back to sleep before she scolded, "You woke your brother up Dean. You know better than to use words like that. Go to your room. I don't want to hear a word from you until your father gets home. When he gets home he can deal with you."**

**Dean went to his room tears running down his cheeks. He didn't mean what he said. He loved both his parents he was just jealous that Sammy was getting all of the attention. A couple hours later Dean heard the sound of the impala coming up the driveway. He then heard his dad ask what had happened today and a fresh round of tears fell. He knew his dad was going to be very angry with him. **

**A few minutes later John came into Dean's room. He sat down in Dean's desk chair and said in a firm although gentle, voice, "You want to tell me why you are in trouble Ace?"**

**Dean sniffled but didn't look at his father, "I threw a tantrum and woke Sammy."**

**John nodded, "I see and why were you so upset you threw a tantrum? You knew that Sammy was trying to take a nap and that your mother was very tired. So do you want to tell me why you choose to throw a fit and wake him?"**

**Dean started to cry again, "Mommy promised to play with me. Mommy lied to me."**

**John sighed and opened his arms to his son, "Come here Ace. Let me tell you something. Your mother and I will always, always love you and take care of you. Nothing will ever, ever change that. You are my little man no matter what. Just because your mommy had to spend a little extra time with your brother doesn't mean she lied to you. How about this over the weekend you spend some time with me and you're Mother, just the two of us."**

**Dean wiped the tears from his cheeks and ran into his father's arms, "I love you daddy."**

**John nodded and kissed his son's forehead, "Love you to Ace."**

**End Flashback:**

Dean went into the motel room and shook Sam's shoulder, "Dude. I got to talk to you."

Sam woke up with a start, "Dean what is your problem. Its three hours short of oh dear God why are you waking me up."

Dean sighed he knew Sam was not going to be happy about this one. It was bad enough that it was the middle of the night but adding on the fact three weeks before he had busted his brother's chops about having sex with Ruby and you had one pissed off Sasquatch. After a few minutes of tense silence Dean answered, "I need to talk to you about Anna."

Sam groaned, "Oh God Dean you woke me up to tell me about your girlfriend? Whatever it is can it wait until morning?"

Dean shook his head, "No it can't. Sam Anna and I… before she got her grace back had … and now she's sort of..."

Sam snapped, "She is what Dean! It's late I just had to have you pop my shoulder back in and we were out of beer so kindly spit it out or shut up!"

Dean swallowed hard, "Anna and I had sex before she became an angel again and now she's pregnant with twins; my twins. God what am I going to do?"

Sam shot up from the bed, "You what! You slept with Anna! After telling me that what I did was wrong and irresponsible! After telling me that what I did with Ruby was unthinkable! Dean how could you! How could you hide something like that from me and don't even think about using the demon blood addiction as an excuse! The way I see it what you did with Anna is just as bad; it's worse. She's pregnant Dean! What we do we don't have time to be dragging a bunch of little whinny brats around I won't let you turn into dad!"

Dean reared back his fist and punched Sam in the face, "Don't you dare compare my girlfriend to that fucking evil demon bitch!"

Sam started to respond when he heard the door to the motel slam shut. Dean was quiet for a second and then yelled out, "Son of a bitch! She stole my car! Sam I'm gunna kill you when we find her."

Dean grabbed his coat and shoes and raced out into the street. He saw the car three blocks away from the motel crashed into a tree. He held his breath praying that Anna and his unborn children would be ok. He opened the car door quickly, "Come on Anna please for the love of God don't be dead. Please…"

A couple of minutes later Anna lifted her head. Dean went to help her out of the car and she snapped, "Just go away! I'm fine! I heard what Sam said; he's right. If we stay together it will mess everything up. I'm just as bad as Ruby. You don't love me Dean. You are a hunter and a big brother. That's all you ever wanted to be. I never should have come back to earth. I'm sorry. The best thing I can do is just leave now while you still have a chance to rebuild things with your brother."

Dean knelt on the ground beside the former angel and smoothed her hair away from her face. He spoke softly brushing her tears away with his thumbs, "Sam was being an ass. He never should have said those things about you. He just got his underwear in a twist because of a stupid fight we got into a few weeks ago. None of that was your fault Anna. Do you hear me none of it."

_There I was twenty one. I was so ashamed of what I'd done. On a country road parked one night what started out so innocent crossed the line. There was no denying I'd let God down. Instead of being angry he let his love surround me. I heard in the sunlight or the rain. Brightest nights or darkest days I'll always feel the same way. Whatever road you maybe on know you're never too far gone. My love is there where ever you maybe. Just remember you'll always be my baby._

Anna allowed Dean to take her to the hospital and much to their relief the babies were alright. Anna just had to remain on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy to prevent early delivery. Dean went to go get food for the three of them. Before left he pulled Sam aside, "Swear to God Sam you say anything to upset her I will break your nose."

A few minutes after Dean had left Anna's morning sickness came full force. Sam sat on the bed next to her after the third time she had thrown up, "Anna just breathe; do you need anything?"

Anna coughed, "Why do you care? I heard what you said last night."

Sam sighed, "Anna I'm sorry. I should not have said those things. I'm sorry. Do you think you can stomach a couple of soda crackers? You need to take your prenatal vitamin and you need to take it with food."

Anna started to answer when she threw up again. When she was done she started to cry, "I deserve this. I never should have had sex with Dean. I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway. I let down my father. I disobeyed him twice. He would have every right to kill me Sam but he didn't. He told me that he loved me."

Sam pulled the former angel into a hug, "Anna Shh… you didn't do anything wrong. Just try and relax. Shh…"

When Dean came back he found Anna with her head in Sam's lap and him smoothing out her hair. Dean smiled, "I take it you two made up while I was out fetching the grub. I think I got it from here Sammy. Thank you."

Anna turned her head to look at Dean, "One of the babies kicked while you were out. You want to feel?"

Dean smiled, "I will after you try and eat something. I know you don't like throwing up but you need to eat something. I got some soup just try some chicken broth, for me, please."

Anna nodded her head and ate half a bowl of chicken broth. She then made room for Dean to lie on the bed next to her, "I love you Dean."

Dean kissed Anna's forehead, "You to now try and get some sleep. You look really tired."

Anna frowned, "I don't remember how to sleep. I know you think that's funny but it's been such a long time since I've been human I don't know how to sleep. Can you help me?"

Dean nodded and wrapped his arms around Anna tightly, "Just close your eyes and relax. Let your mind wander."

Anna cuddled close to Dean, "Now what?"

Dean smiled, "Sleep will come. For right now just cuddle ok."

Once Anna was asleep Dean went over to Sam. He had made up his mind about the other problem. He had decided he wasn't going to hunt anymore once his children were born, "Sammy I need to talk to you about something. I decided you were right about a few things you said last night."

Sam frowned, "Dean if this about me comparing her to Ruby I'm sorry."

Dean sighed, "No it's about what you said about not letting me turn into dad. I've decided to stop hunting once the kids are born."

Sam laughed and rolled his eyes, "No really Dean what am I right about? This isn't funny."

Dean took a deep breath, "I mean it Sammy. I want to give my kids a normal life. Just promise me one thing. Promise me that you'll be safe. Ok."

Sam blinked to hold back tears, "So this hunt we are going to help Bobby with; this salt and burn will be our last hunt together as a family?"

Dean nodded, "Sam no matter what we are brothers. I've still got your back. You call on me whenever you need help with the research or a place to crash but my kids are never going to have to be soldiers. They are never going to have to wonder where I sneak off to every night. They will always feel safe. They will have a normal life."

_There he is my little man. I know he'll get in trouble every now and then. I pray to God that when he does I'll be just as understanding as my father was. The last thing that I want to do is let him down. Instead of being angry I'm going to throw my arms around him. I'll say in the sunlight or the rain brightest nights or darkest days I'll always feel the same way. Whatever road you maybe on know you are never too far gone. My love is there where ever you maybe. Just remember you'll always be my baby._

Eight months later Anna was in the hospital holding two beautiful babies in her arms. Dean smiled down at her, "Can I hold my daughter for a second."

Anna nodded and handed the little girl to Dean. He kissed her forehead, "Mary Jessica Winchester."

Anna kissed her son's forehead, "Hello my little guy. You are John Bobby Winchester."

Sam smiled at Anna and Dean, "You know dad always used to say when you have kids I hope they turn out just like you. This little man is going to be trouble."

Dean sighed, "Even if he gets into trouble I will always love him. No matter what these kids will always be our babies."


	4. Chapter 4

_**Amazing**_

_The morning cold and rainy dark before the dawn could come. How long in twilight waiting for the rising sun. You came like crashing thunder breaking through these walls of stone. You came with wide eyed wonder in to this great unknown. Hush now don't you be afraid. I promise you I'll always stay. I'll never be that far away. I'm right here with you._

Dean was sitting in a rocking chair trying to get Mary to sleep. He softly hummed Smoke On The Water until her eyes closed. Anna came into their hotel room carrying groceries as well as John in her arms. Dean placed Mary in her foldaway crib and went to help.

Anna kissed his cheek and handed him the bag of groceries, "Did Mary go down for a nap alright?"

Dean scrubbed a hand over his face, "No she didn't. She's a smart cookie. It was like she knew the longer she kept her eyes opened the more I would sing to her. Was John good at the store?"

Anna smiled, "A little angel. He didn't even stir when I took him out of his car seat. He should be waking up from his nap shortly. You said Mary just went down for her nap right?"

Dean nodded, "Anna while the kids are asleep I need to talk to you about something."

The former angel finished putting away the food away and then sat down on bed she and Dean shared, "So what is it?"

Dean sat down beside Anna and looked into her eyes, "I don't want to raise our kids in a motel room. My dad did that with me and Sam and well it wasn't always the best thing so…"

Anna cut Dean off, "So what do you propose we do? You can't use fake ids to buy a house."

Dean smiled, "I talked to Bobby last night. There's an old hunter's cabin that he doesn't use anymore. It'll be a project but it's livable and our kids will have a home."

Anna smiled but her smile faltered when Dean kept opening and closing his mouth, "It sounds lovely but what's the catch; how come every time I even mention Sam you look like you are about to high tail it and run?"

Dean frowned this is what he didn't want to talk about, "I already talked to Sam; I won't be hunting with him anymore. He needs to learn to watch his own back there's a hunt that Bobby found for us Sam will be going alone."

Anna snapped, "Why are you doing this? He's your brother Dean. He needs you to watch his back and you need him too."

Dean opened his mouth to speak when he heard Sam outside his door, "Dude what is going on? I've been trying to talk to you for a week. We need a game plan for this hunt. I know you are busy with Anna and the kids but…"

Dean sighed and let his little brother in, "We got to talk Sammy."

Sam cut his brother off, "That's what I just said. We have to talk about the game plan for the job. I've already done the research; Castiel helped with the stuff I couldn't find. Bobby said its twelve hours away from here. If we leave now we can kill this thing and have enough time to visit Ellen, Jo, and Ash before we head back. Well are you going to answer me? Jerk."

Dean squeezed his eyes shut trying to keep his frustrations under control, "Sam what I want to talk to you about is I'm not going with you this time. Bobby found me and Anna a cabin. It needs some fixing up. Just promise me you'll be safe. Call me soon as you kill that son of a bitch."

Sam felt like he had been punched in the gut, "You promised. What do you mean you aren't coming? You ignore my phone calls, you ignore Castiel I just don't understand Dean."

Dean knew that underneath the anger Sam was really hurt. He set a hand on his little brother's arm, "Sammy…"

Sam angrily shrugged Dean off, "It's Sam and I'm going by myself!"

Dean watched his brother leave the room. He closed his eyes and prayed, "Please let my brother be alright. Please."

Anna came back into the room and saw Dean sitting in a chair with his head in his hands. Gently she touched his shoulder, "Sam is going to be ok. Shh…"

Dean slouched against Anna, "He was angry when he left; dad and Bobby always said hunting without a clear head is signing your own death wish. If anything happens to him…. It'll be my fault. I never should have let him go."

The former angel pressed a kiss to Dean's head, "Shh…"

_You're so amazing. You shine like the stars. You're so amazing the beauty you are. You came blazing right into my heart. That's how amazing you are. You came from heaven shining. Breathe of God still fresh on you. This beating heart inside me crumbled at this one so new. No matter where how far you wonder for a thousand years or longer I will always be there for you. I'm right here with you. I hope you tears are few and fast. I hope your dreams come true at last. I hope you find love that goes on and on and on. I hope you wish on every star. I hope you never fall too far. I hope this world can see how wonderful you are. You are so amazing. You shine like the stars. You are so amazing the beauty you are. You came blazing right into my heart. That's how amazing you are._

Later that night Dean and Anna had just put their children to bed. Dean's mind was racing out of control. Anna could tell he was thinking the worst because his face would pale every time his phone rang. Gently she squeezed his shoulder, "Sam's going to be just fine."

Dean nodded his head, "I hope you're right. You look tired."

Anna nodded, "I guess I am. Are you coming to bed?"

Dean shook his head, "Not yet. I asked Sam to call me when he's killed this thing. If I haven't heard from him by midnight I'm calling Ellen; he mentioned stopping to see her, Ash and Jo before heading back."

Anna shook her head, "You really think I'm going to leave you alone like this?"

Dean sighed and kissed Anna, "I love you so much. You know that r…"

Before Dean can say anymore his cell phone rings. The caller Id flashed Sam and he grabbed the phone, "Sammy?"

Ellen speaks up in a voice choked by tears, "Dean, there's been an accident. Bobby just called us; he took Sam to the hospital. Things aren't looking good right now."

Dean didn't even let Ellen finish he is throwing items into a duffle bag, "I'll be there in six hours."

Ellen spoke in a firm voice, "You are in no shape to drive. I won't have both you boys in the hospital. Ash is coming to get you he's about four hours out. Dean everything is going to be ok. I just need you to sit tight and stay calm."

Dean hung up the phone tears rolling down his cheeks. Anna pulled him into her arms, "Hey, hey look at me. I'll go get the kids together and I'll come…."

Dean sighed, "No. Stay here with the kids Anna. I need to be alone with Sam, okay."

Anna nodded silently and just wrapped her arms around Dean. The two of them sat like that until Dean heard Ash honk his horn outside. He quickly stood up and ran out the door. Ash gave Dean a sad smile, "Your brother was messed up pretty bad. We don't know what that thing was he was hunting but it did a number on him. He came to the road house could barely walk. Ellen and Jo drove him to the hospital and I called Bobby. I guess they called you. Ellen was pretty pissed that you weren't with him."

When they reached the hospital Dean was out of the car in seconds. Ash caught up with him, "Dude we already covered the name issue. Tell them you are Sam Singer's brother."

Dean nodded to Ash and gave the name to a young nurse. The young woman led Dean down the hallway. She spoke in a soft voice, "Your brother is in the danger zone right now. He's bruised everywhere but that is not the worst of the damage. The worst is, the four broken ribs, a broken leg, and his brain is swelling. He's in a coma it's all up to him now to come back to us. I'll leave you two alone. Your uncle said he'd be back in later tonight."

Dean wasn't even listening to the nurse anymore. He pulled a chair over to Sam's bed and took one of his little brother's hands, "Oh God. Sammy…."

Dean hadn't been alone long when he heard a quiet but stern voice, "Dean?"

Dean looked up, "Ellen."

The older woman's eyes softened when she saw tears in Dean's eyes. Gently she patted his shoulder, "I'm not going to scold you; not until Sam wakes…"

Dean cut Ellen off, "If Sam wakes up."

Ellen sighed she knew how hard Dean was beating himself up right now, "Dean you listen to me. In my line of work I've met a lot of hunters. I've seen the good the bad the stupid. Nothing has surprised me more than the day I met you boys. You boys have been hit with everything the supernatural has to offer; Dean you faced down the Devil himself and still came out on top. So I can tell you this right now your brother isn't going to leave this world without first putting up one hell of a fight. He will wake up Dean. You just have to have a little faith."

Dean shook his head sadly, "Faith that's something I've never been good with. Ellen it's my fault Sammy got hurt. I never should have let him go alone. He needs someone to watch his back. I should have…"

Ellen sighed, "Dean you made a mistake; granted a mistake in this life can get you or somebody else killed but it wasn't your fault. Nobody is dying tonight. Not you, not your brother. I promise. Go get yourself something to eat. You look like crap."

Dean frowned, "I'm fine. I ate… Ellen really…"

Ellen took a deep breath, "Dean I might have been born at night but it wasn't last night. Your brother is going to be fine. I will sit in this chair and not get up until either you get back or Bobby gets here. Now eat."

Dean stood up and went down to the café. When he was making his way down he felt a light touch on his shoulder. He turned his head, "Hey Jo."

The young blonde threw her arms around Dean's neck. Dean could feel her tears soaking his shirt. He rubbed her back softly, "Jo, it's going to be ok. Ellen told me you were the one who were trying to patch Sam up before he passed out. Thanks."

Jo sniffled softly, "Of course I tried to patch him up. Dean there was so much blood. It's a wonder he even made it to the road house before he passed out."

Dean told a little white lie, "Jo, Sam is just a little banged up. He'll be fine. He'll wake up soon and he'll want to see you."


	5. Chapter 5

_**I'll be your candle on the water**_

_I'll be your candle on the water. My love for you will always burn. I know you are lost and drifting. The clouds are lifting. Don't give up you have somewhere to turn. I'll be your candle on the water until every wave is warm and bright. My soul is there beside you. Let this candle guide you. Soon you'll see a golden stream of light. A cold and friendless tide has found you. Don't let the stormy darkness pull you down._

Jo let go of Dean and made her way to Sam's hospital room. Her heart got lodged in her throat when she saw Sam hooked up to all kinds of machines. She sat down in the chair that Dean had pulled close to the bed and grabbed his hand. She closed her eyes to hold back tears, "Sam I know you and Dean haven't had it easy; hell what hunter does? I know the world is ending and everything but sleeping through it is only going to hurt the people who love you."

Meanwhile Dean was sitting on a bench outside with his head in his hands. He wasn't just going to sit around and wait for the doctors to find answers; not when he could have Cas fix him. He opened his eyes and spoke in a firm voice, "Castiel I need a little help. Please Sam's been hurt; it's bad. The doctors are saying he won't… that he might not… but they don't know the things you do so please…"

After several minutes Dean didn't hear the flutter of wings. He grew more frustrated, "Come on Cas; Sam could be dying. I really need your help please."

Dean still didn't hear the flutter of wings and his frustration turned to anger, "Damn It Cas! Get your feathery ass down here so you can save my brother! If he dies I swear I will deep fry your wings in holy oil, extra crispy!"

Within seconds Dean heard the fluttering of wings and a gruff voice, "Hello Dean."

Dean turned around and faced Castiel, "Where have you been? I called you three times!"

Castiel spoke in a gruff voice, "If you want me to fix your brother then I'd thank you not to shout at me."

Dean swallowed, "Your saying you can fix Sam?"

Castiel didn't speak he simply zapped into Sam's room. Jo had her head resting on Sam's chest listening to his heart beat. Castiel could hear her crying softly. He spoke in a soft voice, "Stand back and keep your eyes closed."

Jo lifted her head and wiped the tears from her eyes, "No! What do you think you are doing? You can't just expect me to leave him alone with you! He's sick! All of your kind are the same! You are all dicks!"

Ellen came into the room and set her hand on her daughter's arm, "Would Dean let anybody, or anything hurt Sam?"

Jo shook her head more tears falling, "He'd kill them before they had the chance."

Ellen nodded and spoke gently, "Dean trusts Castiel to help Sam; otherwise he wouldn't be in here. Why don't you take a break and go get Dean some pie?"

Jo left the room and went down to the hospital gift shop. She was looking for something special for Sam. Then she saw irises and remembered those were Sam's favorite flowers. She grabbed a bundle of them and a box of hazel nut coffee because that was what Sam liked to drink when he was sick.

When she made her way down the hall she saw Dean sitting outside. He looked like he was at his breaking point. She went and sat on the bench beside him, "How you holding up?"

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose, "Fine princess. I'm just fine. My little brother is dying and I'm just fine."

Jo set her hand on Dean's shoulder, "You don't have to be so strong. It's ok Dean."

Dean stared at Jo tears rolling down his cheeks, "You really want the truth? Here it is. My little brother is in a coma not cause so son of a bitch used him as its personal base ball but because I wasn't there to protect him. My whole life I've had one job; and that one job I screwed it up. I screwed it up real bad. For that I'm sorry but I can't tell him that can I Jo? I let Dad down and now I'm just supposed to let Sam down to? I guess that's what I do isn't it? I let down the people I love. What am I supposed to do Jo? Tell me what the hell am I supposed to do?"

Jo grabbed Dean's shoulder, "Stop. None of this is your fault. If Sam was awake right now he'd tell you how stupid you are being. You didn't let him down. Sam is not going to die."

_I'll paint a ray of hope around you; circling in the air lighted by a prayer. I'll be your candle on the water. This flame inside of me will grow. Keep holding on. You'll make it. Here's my hand so take it. Look for me reaching out to show as sure as rivers flow I'll never let you go. I'll never let you go. I'll never let you go._

Dean calmed down and released Jo from the hug. Jo picked up the flowers and the box of coffee, "Dean you should really be with your brother when he wakes up."

Dean shook his head, "I don't know if I can Jo. Seeing him like that… knowing that it could have been prevented if I had just gone with him…"

Jo cut Dean off, "God you are so stupid! Yeah you messed up. Yeah he needed you on that hunt but he needs you now too Dean. Family doesn't end with blood and it isn't only there when times are good."

Dean nodded, "You're right."

Dean entered Sam's hospital room. He sat down in the chair next to the bed, "Sammy if you can hear me squeeze my hand. I know I wasn't here for you before but I'm here now. I need you to open your eyes. Please Sammy. I'm begging you not to quit on me…"

A small smile crossed his face when he felt a light squeeze on his hand followed by a quiet moan, "D…."

Dean stood up and went over to his little brother's bed, "I'm here Sammy. Shh… don't try to talk. I'm right here."

Sam struggled to sit up and winced when the movement put pressure on his ribs, "Where am I…"

Dean gently pushed his brother back down on the bed, "Hospital. Lie still. You have four broken ribs and a broken leg. Sitting up isn't going to help you. Jo I'm going to go get his doctor; see if they can get him on some stronger pain meds now that he is awake."

Dean started to make his way to the door when he saw the fear in his little brother's eyes, "Sammy what's wrong? Does your leg hurt?"

Sam shook his head, "You're leaving me again."

Dean sat down in the chair again, "You listen to me. I will be right back. I just have to talk to your doctor. I want to make sure you are ok alright."

Sam nodded and blinked back tears, "Jerk."

Dean gave his brother a gentle hug being careful of his broken ribs, "Bitch."

Once Dean left Jo sat down in the chair next to Sam's bed, "You ok?"

Sam nodded his head, "Fine"

Jo shook her head, "You aren't fine. I know I'm not Dean but you can tell me anything."

Sam swallowed hard, "Jo, did Dean ever tell you why I started hunting again; why I never finished school?"

Jo shook her head, "What happened?"

Sam looked out the window and sighed, "Her name was Jess, She was an amazing woman. She made me believe in myself. I felt more in love with her every time I was with her. We decided to move in together. Everything was perfect...what happened? That's something I struggle with every single day. Jo the night Dean came to get me everything in my life was falling into place; I had a chance to get a full ride scholar ship; I was going to get married. I went with Dean instead promising I'd be back in time for my interview with the dean of students. I came back like I promised and… my whole world went up in smoke. It's been years. The yellowed eyed demon is dead but I still can't find peace. I miss her so much. I still blame myself sometimes and it's probably never going to go away. Jo what am I going to do?"

Jo smoothed Sam's hair back from his forehead gently, "Sam I'm so sorry. She wouldn't want you to blame yourself. Please just try to rest."

Sam nodded and lay down again. Jo kept her hand on his arm the whole time he was sleeping. Dean came into the room, "God, I hate doctors! They won't raise his pain killers until he's been seen by a doctor and the doctor won't come see him until tomorrow!"

Jo sighed, "Dean just calm down. Freaking out is not going to help Sam. Please don't get mad at me…"

Before Dean could ask why he would be angry Sam start thrashing around on the bed. His fist gripping the hospital bed sheet; Dean quickly went over to his brother, "Sammy it's alright. I need you to calm down for me."

Sam thrashed about harder and cried out, "Jess! No! I'm sorry! Please."

Dean gently lifted Sam into his lap, "I've got you little brother. Shh… I got you. I thought we'd finally got past this. It wasn't your fault Sammy. None of it is your fault. Shh….."

Dean turned to Jo after Sam had settled down, "What brought this out of him? He only had nightmares like this if he talked about her. Did you ask or did he tell you cause if you asked…"

Jo shook her head, "Of course I didn't ask. I asked if he was ok. He told me about why he started hunting with you. I'm sorry."

Dean put his hand up to stop her, "Jo stop. Just don't even go there."

Jo took a step back, "Can I do anything to help?"

Dean shook his head, "That stupid doctor needs to get him some more pain killers. These nightmares are being caused by pain and stress. This is going to be a rough night."

Sam stirred in his sleep slightly, "Dean…"

Dean whispered, "Shh… I'm not letting go. I promise. Shh… just try to sleep Sammy."

Jo stepped over to Dean and set her hand on top of Sam's and mumbled, "We will be here even after the end of the world."


	6. Chapter 6

_**More than a memory**_

_People say she's only in my head. It's going to take time but I'll forget. They say I need to get on with my life. They don't realize when you are dialing six numbers just to hang up the phone. Driving a crossed town just to see if she's home. Waking a friend in the dead of night just to hear him say it's going to be alright. When you're finding things to do not to fall asleep because you know she'll be there in your dreams; that's when she's more than a memory._

The next morning Sam's doctor came into the hospital room. Dean woke up when he heard the door close and hissed through his teeth, "Wake him up and I swear I will…"

Jo woke up when she heard Dean yelling, "Dean go get you and I some fresh coffee; oh and get some hot water for Sam. I have some instant hazel nut coffee right here. That's still his favorite right?"

Dean nodded, "Jo you do realize he didn't get any sleep last night."

Jo sighed, "He's not a child anymore. I'll be here. If anything happens I will call your cell phone."

The doctor spoke up once Dean was out of the room, "Well I have to say Mr. Singer you are a real piece of work. When your uncle brought you in last night we didn't think you'd last through the first couple of hours. It's like you had a guardian angel watching over you. The only damage that seems to be present now is the broken ribs and the broken leg. Seeing as you have people who can look after you I see no reason why I can't sign your release papers today. Just make sure to get plenty of rest and stay off of that leg until the cast comes off."

Sam rolled his eyes, "Dean is going to have too much fun with this. Thanks doc."

When the doctor left the room Dean came in with the coffees and the large cup of hot water. He sat both on the nightstand, "What did the doc say Sammy? Does anything hurt?"

Sam rolled his eyes, "He said I must have an angel watching over me. That when Bobby brought me in they thought I was going to die. Dean you didn't sell your soul again did you? Oh god how much time do you have?"

Dean grabbed Sam's shoulders, "I promise Sammy no deals. I wouldn't put you through that again. Just take it easy. I made a deal with the baby in a trench coat. Just relax Sammy. Cas wouldn't play any tricks on us. Calm down. Tell me what the doctor said. I have to call Bobby and Anna and fill them in on the details."

Sam took a deep breath, "They said I can go home in a couple of hours; since I have you to look after me and I'm supposed to stay off my leg until I get this cast off."

Dean smirked, "Of course I'm going to look after you. It's my…"

Sam smacked Dean upside the head, "I swear Dean you say it's your job to look out for me and I will kill you."

Dean smiled, "I'd like to see you try bitch. Now drink your coffee and then try to sleep."

Jo put the instant coffee crystals into the cup stirred it and then handed it to Sam, "There this will perk you up; three creams and four sugars right? Dean what do you take in yours?"

Dean shook his head, "Will get my own. Bobby, Anna, Ash, your mom are probably waiting for me to let them know that my pain in the ass little brother is going to be alright; Plus I have to let Anna know that the move is going to have to wait a few weeks. I'm not moving eight hours out of town when Sam needs help getting around."

Jo started to say something but Dean is already gone. Sam smiled at her, "Thanks."

Jo stared into her coffee cup finding the cream very interesting, "No problem. I just thought it would help you feel better. I know being sick is a royal bitch. Does anything hurt? Do you need anything? Do you think you can go to sleep?"

Sam shook his head. Jo smiled sadly at him, "Would you sleep better if I climbed up on the bed with you? That's what Dean did for you last night and it seemed to fend off the nightmares at least for a few hours."

Sam sighed, "It's worth a shot."

Jo helped Sam make room for her on the bed. Then she slid behind him so his head was resting on her chest. Sam smiled down at her, "Are you sure you are ok with this?"

Jo nodded and put her finger to her lips, "Shh… don't talk. Close your eyes."

When Jo thought Sam was asleep she rubbed soothing circles on his arm and stroked the hair away from his face. Quietly she whispered, "I love you Sam."

Sam stirred in his sleep and mumbled, "Love you to Jess."

Jo's mouth hung open and a single tear rolled down her cheek. She then realized that Sam could not be in a relationship with her because he was still in love with Jessica. Quickly she got up and ran out of the hospital room.

Meanwhile Dean was outside sitting on the bench. He used his cell phone to call Bobby, Ellen, Ash, and Anna and the four of them were supposed to be coming down before Sam was released. He then looked up at the sky and spoke in a calm voice, "Look Cas we need to talk. Please if you can hear me…"

Dean turned around when he heard the fluttering of wings, "Why'd you call me?"

Dean frowned, "I probably deserve that. I just wanted to say thanks Cas. Thanks for saving Sam and that I'm sorry. I shouldn't get mad when I call you; and I shouldn't ignore you when you try and ask for my help."

Castiel turned and faced Dean, "It wasn't your fault Dean. All slights are forgiven, you still feel shame; why? This is about Sam. You think he got hurt because you weren't there to watch out for him. It wasn't a salt and burn; Dean it was a demon. If you'd been there you both would've been fighting for your lives. I didn't have enough power to save both of you. I am left as you put it a baby in a trench coat…."

Dean snapped, "You helped Sam with the research you bastard! You almost got him killed! He trusted you! I trusted you! You are freaking child! We're done!"

_I took a match to everything she ever wrote. Watched her words go up in smoke. Tore all the pictures off the wall that isn't helping me at all; when you are talking out loud but nobody is there. You look like hell but you just don't care. Drinking more than you ever drank; singing lower than you ever sang. When you find yourself falling down on your knees praying to God begging him please that's when she's more than a memory. When you're dialing her number just to hang up the phone, driving across town just to see if she's home waking a friend in the dead of night just to hear him say its gunna be alright. When you are finding things to do not to fall asleep because you know she's waiting in your dreams; that's when she's more than a memory. People say she's only in my head. Its gunna take time but I'll forget._

Sam woke up with a start drenched in a cold sweat. Tears trickled down his cheeks he squeezed his eyes shut trying to calm down. He turned his head and was surprised that Jo was not behind him anymore. Dean wasn't in the room either. He wondered where they were and why they left.

A couple of minutes later Jo came into the room. Her eyes were red but her face was clear of all traces that she had been crying; at least that is what she hoped. Sam reached his hand out to her, "Jo what's wrong?"

The young woman sighed, "Sam, while you were asleep you called me Jess, I think we should talk about that."

Sam shook his head, "I'm sorry. Jo I didn't even realize I did that. I'm sorry; there's nothing to talk about. I had another nightmare but I'm fine."

Jo took Sam's hand in her own, "I'm sure Dean and your dad told you this a million times but you need to let her go. I know it's hard and I know it hurts like hell but it's the only way you are ever going to get better."

Sam frowned, "Jo I can't. I loved her so much; I didn't even get to say goodbye to her not really. Dean was in such a hurry to leave town the day of her service…."

Jo nodded her head sadly, "We can go as soon as your cast comes off and your ribs are healed. We'll stay as long as you want. I promise."

Sam smiled sadly, "I'd like that."

Jo started to say something when Dean, Bobby, Anna, Ellen came into the room. Anna was holding Mary and John in her arms. Bobby went over to Sam's bed first and gave Sam a strong hug being careful of his broken ribs, "How about you and I make a deal you don't scare me like that again you idjit."

Sam nodded against Bobby's shoulder, "Deal!"

Bobby smiled at Sam, "You, Dean, Anna, and the kids are staying at my place until that cast comes off and the doc clears you for travel."

Sam nodded, "Thanks Bobby."

Dean looked at Anna, "Are you ok with that?"

Anna turned her head towards the door, "Outside now."

Dean followed Anna outside. Once they were out of ear shot of Sam, Anna snapped, "This is why you can't stop hunting! Your brother needs you out there with him. If moving into that hunting cabin of Bobby's means you don't hunt with your brother then I'm not moving there. I'm fine with Staying at the salvage yard because then I know you are there if Sam needs you."

Dean nodded, "I know that now. I just want what's best for our kids. I don't want them to have to be soldiers. I don't want them to have to learn to shoot a gun at the age of five. I want them to have a home. I want them to go to school have a normal life…."

Anna smiled at Dean, "I know baby. You can do that and still hunt. Just because you hunt doesn't mean John and Mary have to…"

Dean cut Anna off, "What am I supposed to do? What are we going to tell John and Mary when they get old enough to ask about where I go for days at a time? My dad used to lie to Sam all the time when he was little. God when he found out the truth he was so scared. I don't want to lie to my kids."

Anna pulled Dean into a hug, "When they are old enough you and I will sit down and tell them what you do. For right now when they ask I will just tell them you have to travel for work. They won't be frightened when we tell them."

Dean took several deep breaths and then nodded against Anna's shoulder, "We should head inside. Sam's going to be released soon. Not that I'm signing anything if he hasn't slept."

Dean went into the hospital. Sam's doctor was holding the release forms. Dean looked them over, "What do you mean if he has trouble breathing bring him back in right away? Why would he have trouble breathing?"

The doctor sighed, "It's just a precaution. He shouldn't have any problems. Your uncle already signed the release forms. I will send a nurse with a wheel chair."

When Sam, Dean, Anna, Mary, Bobby, and John reached the salvage yard Bobby helped Sam out of the car while Dean helped Anna bring the kids inside. Bobby smiled at Sam, "I've got an air mattress set up in the living room. Soon as we get inside I expect you to go lay down on it. You look worse than half of the supernatural creatures you and Dean have killed. I'll wake you when dinner is ready."

Sam shook his head, "I'm good Bobby. I really just want to shower and read for a bit. I need to figure out what went wrong on that hunt."

Bobby set his hand on Sam's shoulder, "You are going to park your ass on that air mattress until either me or Dean can help you. I won't have you slipping and breaking something else for the love of Christ; you are taking a bath not a shower. The doctor told you to stay off that leg."

Sam rolled his eyes, "I'm perfectly fine Bobby."

Bobby's eyes softened, "You haven't slept since before the hunt have you?"

Sam shook his head and went to go sit down on the air mattress so he could prop his leg up. He then grabbed his laptop and started researching. Dean and Anna came into the house a few minutes after that.

Dean went over to his brother, "Hey bitch did you want to grab a bath?"

Sam nodded, "I'm taking it by myself Dean. I'm not a child."

Dean sighed, "I'm just helping you in and out of the tub alright. Now let me just grab a plastic bag to wrap that leg in. The cast can't get wet."

Once Sam was done in the bathroom he pulled on a pair of sweats and a tee shirt. Dean helped Sam sit back down on the air mattress, "I realized you haven't held your niece and nephew yet. Did you want to?"

Sam forced a smile he was beyond tired but he do anything to stay awake the nightmares were getting worse. Dean brought a sleeping Mary over to Sam and set her in his arms. Sam's eyes grew moist but he held back the tears, "Hello little one. I'm your uncle Sammy. You are so beautiful. I promise your daddy and I will always be here to protect you. I promise."

Dean smiled as he watched Sam holding his daughter. He then went to go get his son out of the crib. Dean came into the room with John, "Sam why don't I go set Mary down in her crib. You can hold John for a bit. Then I think you need to sleep."

Sam took the tiny boy from his brother and cradled him to his chest, "I'm not tired Dean."

Dean shook his head, "Sam is it the nightmares again? Or are you in pain?"

Sam groaned and handed Dean his son, "I'm fine. I just need to be alone right now."

Dean nodded and gave his brother's shoulder a squeeze, "I'll bring your dinner in when it's ready."

Sam fell to his knees and then pulled a tiny notebook out of his wallet. It was Jessica's journal. He squeezed his eyes shut and allowed the tears to escape, "God Jess I am so sorry. Sorry isn't enough is it. I miss you so much. I love you."

Bobby came into the living room with Sam's dinner. He saw the tears on his face and went over the young hunter, "I understand what you are going through Sam. After Karen died I got rid of all her stuff. I burned her journal. That didn't make the pain go away. Sam what you have to do is remember the good. Do you have a picture of her Sam?"

Sam nodded and handed Bobby the picture, "I miss her so much Bobby."

The old hunter pulled Sam into a hug, "I know you do. You need to remember her the way she lived instead of the way she died."

Sam sniffed, "I don't want to let her go Bobby."

Bobby nodded his heart breaking for Sam, "I'm not asking you to forget her completely. I'm asking you to forget the terrible way that she left this world. Remember the way she smiled. Remember how it felt waking up with her beside you. Remember the sound of her voice. Remember how she smelled. Remember how it felt when she wrapped her arms around you. Those are the things that will keep the nightmares away."

Sam nodded into Bobby's shoulder, "Thanks. Can you and Dean stay until I've fallen asleep?"

Bobby smiled sadly, "Course we're gunna stay."


End file.
